He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
