wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
