yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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