I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
