Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
