Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
