Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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