I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
