dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i out mim tonsoeep
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