i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
