I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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