Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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