Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
