I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
