Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
