Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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