i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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