you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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