I looked at my own cervix.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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