Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
