Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
