Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
