put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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