I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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