Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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