I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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