New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have feelings that need drinking.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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