We won't sleep together?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
