just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in the fireplace
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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