apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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