Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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