I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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