and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
