Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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