what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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