just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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