Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
