He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
