All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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