No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
