Where are you?
In a non slutty way
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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