So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
