I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
