guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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