We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
