I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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