I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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