definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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