The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
