I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
