He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
