Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
