Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
