i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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