Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
