Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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