Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
