Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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