NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
