i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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